“Anything that you think you need in order to believe that God is good—that’s your golden calf. What we lack often becomes the object of our worship.” Glenna Marshall

Not until recent events, did I realize that this very message began working it’s truth into my heart a decade ago.

A time when the simple security of God’s goodness was tethered to the comforts of this world. As my reality crumbled to pieces, I felt alienated. There was an ever growing chasm forming in my closest relationships, including casual encounters with my Creator.

A twinge of bitterness bubbled up as a question formed within my spirit, “if nothing in your life ever changes, am I enough for you?” 

This couldn’t be happening… maybe I misunderstood the question.

Things may never change?

I honestly didn’t know how to respond because my pleas for children, physical healing, and a place to use my musical gifts were not selfish requests…

Right?

Yet the nagging query rumbled around for months. I wrestled to formulate an acceptable answer that would satisfy the growing ache.

Have you been there? 

Now, of course, it would be easy for me to gloss over the feelings portion of this process and give the polite church answer.

You know the ones… “Everything happens for a reason.” or “Just give it time.” etc..

And while I have been guilty of towing the party line, let’s face it someone who is wrestling with big hurt doesn’t want to hear those things.

However, what I discovered as I waded through the muddy waters, is that the God I serve is able to handle some pretty big emotions.

After all, he created me, therefore he knows everything about me. 

As I meandered the nearly decade long road toward complete surrender; there were moments it felt like a literal boxing match during my time with the Lord.

I found myself physically and emotionally drained as I waged war on the “unfairness” of it all. 

Like David, I poured out my lament.

How could a “good” God possibly choose to leave children abandoned or abused, yet leave my arms empty?

How could a “good” God possibly love me if he would not heal my broken body to care for children who need a home? 

How could a “good” God take our babies away from us? 

How could a “good” God allow our ministry to be ripped at the seams?

While pouring over scripture, I continued to spew out my frustration and anger as slow understanding began to form within.

I was never promised that things in this life would be easy.

However, I was given assurance through His word that peace could be found in the midst of trials and hardship. Psalm 9:9-10, 2 Corinthians 12:9-10.

“I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world.” John 16:33

Often I confuse worldly, physical comforts with things of God.

While God is the giver of all good things, James 1:17 as a believer I have misguided assumptions...

I fall into the temptation of believing it’s my job to manage or dictate the “good” I deserve. 

Like a Walmart transport order, I schedule my requests, expecting prayers to be answered within a timely manner in the exact fashion I desire.

If even the slightest hiccup in delivery occurs, impatience and righteous anger take root.

How then, should my perspective or yours be altered? How do we take our focus off of the area of deficiency and fix our eyes back where they belong?

It is a matter of SURRENDER.

It’s the letting go of expectations, control, and need to fill-in all the blanks.

My initial heart shift transpired the day I cried out, “Yes, Lord, you ALONE are enough!”

“If I never use my musical gifts in ministry again, YOU are ENOUGH!” 

“If I never become a mother, this side of eternity, YOU are ENOUGH!”

“If I never receive physical healing until I meet you face to face, YOU are ENOUGH!”

In all transparency, there are days I battle my flesh, when grief overwhelms and new waves crash a little harder… but it’s in those times I plead for strength to be drawn back to surrender. 

Sweet Surrender…

To the place where the highlight reel of God’s faithfulness and provision have carried us safely through each storm.

Moments when calm clarity spring forth, as I focus my family toward two simple truths.

GOD is GOOD and

HE ALONE is ENOUGH!

My prayer dear reader, is that you too may experience the sweet freedom found in surrendering every area of your life to Christ.

May you feel His presence and peace as you navigate life, this side of eternity.