Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another: ‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one.’

C.S. Lewis

I have always struggled at maintaining friendships. Somewhere between the introduction and deep level connection, I lose my way.

Early in our marriage Ryan and I were taught that ministry, is about people. 

As one professor put it, “if you don’t like people, you have chosen the wrong profession.”

While I took this message to heart, fear of rejection and my ever-present awkwardness formed walls I couldn’t seem to scale.

For nearly two decades I was the woman who comfortably walked in her husband’s gregarious shadow. 

At family gatherings and church functions, I quietly whispered names of the people approaching in Ryan’s ear as he charmed and delighted everyone in our midst. 

Nevertheless, I secretly longed to find my “tribe,” women with whom I could journey life’s greatest challenges.

I just didn’t seem to fit…  Too quiet and introverted for some, too bossy for others, and generally just an awkward people-pleaser around most.

What I’ve come to recognize (with a few years behind me) is that the winds of change will inevitably blow.  Just as the seasons shift, so do most relationships.

It wasn’t that my ability to successfully navigate social interactions was stunted, I simply lacked maturity.

Recognition created understanding and eventually wisdom… for the entirety of my existence, God had, in fact, strategically placed people along my path. 

At just the right time…

Some people entered for a reason, others for a season, and a few for a lifetime.

My elementary school bestie demonstrated the meaning of friendship.

An introduction amid shoes prior to junior high, sparked a bond with a beautiful soul that transformed my formative years. A relationship that served to re-ignite my faith in Christ.

My college professor, turned mentor, spoke truth and encouragement as I questioned my future.

Then came the ladies at my first “grown-up” job who took me under their wings while exhibiting the love of Christ in unfamiliar surroundings.

Or the women who showered me with kindness, creating new memories while separated from my loved ones at Christmas.

Finally, the special blue-eyed beauty who, at the tender age of ten, captured my heart with her gentle spirit.

 Each of these relationships and so many more have made this life of mine, abundantly blessed. 

As I replay each scenario, I realize that the  traits I once considered personality flaws were merely stepping stones required for growth.

God chose to ordain every single interaction to reveal a truth I needed or used my life, despite my lack.

Just as King Solomon penned in Ecclesiastes,  

“There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens…”

My approach to cultivating friendships has shifted. I now choose to embrace every awkward aspect of my being with great thanksgiving, asking God to use me to impact the beautiful souls in my midst.

Perhaps you feel you're too much for some and not enough for others… May you find encouragement from the lessons I’m still learning after twenty-plus years of “adult” life.

Seek first to become a reflection of Christ, and embrace what makes you unique. 

“Therefore as you have received Christ Jesus the Lord, walk in [union with] Him [reflecting His character in the things you do and say—living lives that lead others away from sin],  having been deeply rooted [in Him] and now being continually built up in Him and [becoming increasingly more] established in your faith, just as you were taught, and overflowing in it with gratitude.”

Colossians 3:6-7, AMP

Recognize that friendships can change like the wind and although you may not find a seat at every table; our God is faithful, dear reader, and will position your chair in just the right places, in every season.