You're So Vain!
I am frequently asked how I cope, living with a chronic illness and what I miss most about life before.
While that often seems like a strange question as I strive to live in the present, if I answer honestly, I find my response is incredibly vain.
I race against the clock to finish what was once a favorite morning routine.
My pulse quickly climbing, my breathing labored, as spots dance before my eyes.
Today was supposed to be a good one, filled with plans that quickly change by this one simple task.
I turn the handle to release cold water, praying that will bring relief to my already elevating symptoms. The room continues to spin as the minutes quickly tick away.
I feel my consciousness slipping and throw back the curtain to call for help.
Only this time, the words don’t come, this time no one hears me. The floor greets my face, as wobbly legs can no longer sustain my weight.
One can never truly prepare for life with a chronic illness until they are thrust into its existence.
The scene above became all too familiar as I took for granted the simple ordinary task of grooming.
Habits that once provided joy, could be done with minimal thought or energy, now require planning and great care.
OK, here it comes… What do I miss most?
Bubble baths, long luxurious showers, standing to fix my hair, applying makeup and getting all dolled-up for my handsome husband.
What once took me an hour or so to complete, now takes at least three hours of thoughtful preparation to ensure I don’t overdo so we can attend whatever planned.
My primary objective has become accomplishing all of these tasks without assistance or passing out.
There, I said it….That is what I miss the most.
I know, it seems silly when there are so many more important things I could be contemplating.
Nevertheless, as fruitless as this seemingly endless cycle may appear, there are measures I embrace in the midst to manage expectations.
On days that I am unable to maintain my familiar routine and I’m forced to forego the shower or race against the clock; I have found that the steps below keep me grounded, not allowing me to become bitter about my situation.
I focus on a part each day to allow the Lord to grow me in this season, especially through my vanity.
SEEK KNOWLEDGE:
While we may never fully comprehend the purpose of the pain, illness, or trials we face, we have an opportunity to use this time in our lives to gain knowledge.
About what?
Take this time to dig deeper into the words found in scripture, depending solely on our source of hope.
Find a subject that interests you and begin researching various topics.
Seek information about your condition, from reputable sources, that will enhance your quality of life. Find resources that encourage and support your efforts toward navigating your new normal.
On the days when things don’t make sense, take a moment to learn something new. Gaining insight and perspective may allow you to feel accomplished when your physical challenges seem overwhelming.
Look for new opportunities to contribute that will bring a level of understanding regarding your situation.
I pray that your love will overflow more and more, and that you will keep on growing in knowledge and understanding.
(Philippians 1:9, NLT)
SEEK REST:
This step may seem obvious, however, for many of us, this one is the most difficult.
Why? We are ingrained with the need to meet the demands of our previous lives. And very few of us know how to allow our body’s time to fully recover.
Endless responsibilities, often leave us feeling like we must accomplish everything the way we did prior to becoming ill.
We also have a tendency to overdo on days we feel the slightest bit of energy, which potentially leads to a prolonged flare.
How do we accomplish this objective?
Learn to prioritize that which is most important and use your precious energy to accomplish those things.
Lay aside guilt and judgment of others to do what is best for your situation.
The Lord is my shepherd; I have all that I need. He lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams. He renews my strength. He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name. Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me. You prepare a feast for me in the presence of my enemies. You honor me by anointing my head with oil. My cup overflows with blessings. Surely your goodness and unfailing love will pursue me all the days of my life, and I will live in the house of the Lord Forever. (Psalm 23, NLT)
SEEK JOY:
It is incredibly easy to focus on all the negative viewpoints of illness or difficult seasons.
When will this end? Why can’t the doctors figure out a way to help me? What should I be doing to make this better?
Life will never be perfect, we were never promised it would be, so during any difficult situation, we have a choice to make.
We can resolve to live in a state of constant misery or seek joy.
Take a few moments each day to meditate on the things that fill your life with meaning.
Maybe it is the people who help care for you or an animal you dearly love. Whatever comes to mind, you have an opportunity to choose gratitude amid any situation.
The Lord is my strength and shield. I trust him with all my heart. He helps me, and my heart is filled with joy. I burst out in songs of thanksgiving. (Psalm 28:7, NLT)
Know you are in my daily prayer’s, dear reader, as you seek to walk toward a HOPE that SOARS.
May we keep our eyes fixed on the giver of knowledge, rest, and joy as we face today.
