SLAVE TO FEAR
I had practiced for what seemed like years, preparing for the upcoming Thanksgiving church service. Carefully selecting my song based on the latest, Lauren Tally trend and working with the pianist to make sure I had mastered the melody, memorizing every lyric.
My mom had taken me shopping for the most amazing, crushed velvet, maroon dress with lace sleeves. Although the white flowered panel in the center now reminds me of what some early settlers may have worn, I thought I was truly stunning. My black shoes shined to perfection, and my hair would put Shirley Temple curls to shame.
As we drove to the church I felt a sense of panic as tears began trickling down my cheeks, I realized people would be watching me. Standing alone, on this ominous stage with 40-foot organ pipes behind me, (okay maybe they were only 15 ft). Why these thoughts had never occurred to me while rehearsing, I will never know, but let’s face it I was only nine.
I desperately tried to hide my fears, but the voices ringing in my mind were louder than the soothing ones of my parents assuring me, everything would be okay once I got on stage.
During practice, timidly, I walked the few short steps and took my place as the pianist began to play. I took a shaky breath, looked out into the semi-crowded Sanctuary and immediately ran off the stage, down the stairs to the girls’ restroom, sobbing uncontrollably. My worst fears realized, I had embarrassed my parents, the pianist, the choir director and ultimately God.
Fast forward 29 years…
I finally realize that was the moment I became a slave to fear; nearly every performance, speaking engagement, and social interaction from the age of nine, dictated by my inability to claim faith over fear.
Fear of rejection, failure, ridicule, imperfection, you name it…
However, as I grew older, I sang solos in church, gave speeches in school, and had a few close friends. On the outside I appeared calm, cool, and collected. Only those closest to me truly realized that the night before and sometimes after were filled with many tears; often having to talk myself into even participating, because I was utterly terrified.
In the summer of 2014 all that changed…
Music has a way of speaking to my soul and on a rainy August day, during a leadership conference - I heard Jonathan David & Melissa Hesler’s, No Longer Slaves, for the first time. As I listened to these thoughtful lyrics, I found myself assessing my current situation in regard to motherhood, my career and health. The song, perfectly capturing where my journey had led, wrestling with identity, and not knowing quite where I fit into the grand scheme of things.
Eyes glued to the screen, it was as if I felt a weight being lifted, the truth of the matter is, my identity is first and foremost a “Child of God” and no titles given to me by this world will EVER change that fact.
But now, this is what the LORD says—
he who created you, Jacob, he who formed you, Israel:
“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have
summoned you by name; you are mine. (Isaiah 43:1, NIV)
Jesus Christ paid the ultimate sacrifice through His death, burial, and resurrection. This amazing gift of salvation provides everyone an opportunity to claim freedom in and through Him while on earth, at the same time, sharing in the HOPE of an eternal future in Heaven.
For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son,
that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life.
For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world,
but to save the world through him. (John 3:16-17, NIV)
As the final chords of the song rang out, I realized I had a choice to make. I could continue living as a frightened little girl, constantly enslaved to fear or step out and let God completely fulfill all that HE had envisioned for my life.
From that moment, I committed to taking more risks for the cause of Christ and step out of my comfort zone. A journey which has led me to this point; using skills I didn’t realize existed until I said, “Lord, Here I am, use me.” Although some days I’m consumed with doubt and uncertainty, as Satan tries to pull me back into that trap of fear; I simply remind him to whom I belong. “I am a child of God, and so are you!”
For you are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus. (Galatians 3:26, NASB)
My prayer for this blog is that each one reading will be encouraged to take steps boldly toward God’s calling for your life. I never imagined the day would come that I would allow others into my journey, but I am trusting the Lord to do a mighty work and placing my FAITH over FEAR!
