SLAVE TO FEAR
I had practiced for what seemed like years, preparing for the upcoming Thanksgiving church service. I carefully selected a song based on the latest Lauren Tally trend and worked diligently with the pianist to master the melody, memorizing every lyric.
My mom had purchased an incredible crushed-velvet dress complete with lace on the sleeves. Although the white-flowered panel in the center now reminds me of what some early settlers may have worn, I thought I was truly stunning. My black shoes shined to perfection, and my hair put Shirley Temple curls to shame.
As we drove to the church, I felt a sense of panic and tears began trickling down my cheeks once I realized people would be watching me. Standing alone, on this ominous stage with forty-foot organ pipes behind me. (In reality, they were probably closer to ten feet.) Why did these things never occur to me during rehearsal? I will never know, but let’s face it, I was only nine-years-old.
I desperately tried to hide my fears, but the voices ringing in my mind were louder than the soothing ones of my parents reassuring me.
During practice, I timidly walked the few short steps and took my place as the pianist began to play the introduction. I took a shaky breath, looked out into the semi-crowded Sanctuary and immediately ran off the stage, down the stairs to the girls’ restroom, sobbing uncontrollably.
My worst fears were realized… in my young mind, I had embarrassed my parents, the pianist, the choir director, and ultimately God.
Fast forward 29 years…
I finally recognized that scenario was the moment I became a slave to fear; nearly every performance, speaking engagement, and social interaction from the age of nine, was dictated by my inability to claim faith over fear.
Fear of rejection, failure, ridicule, imperfection, you name it…
Regardless, as I grew older, I attempted singing solos in church, gave speeches in school, and had a few close friends.
On the outside, I appeared calm, cool, and collected. Only those closest to me were aware that I was consumed by paralyzing fear. I often had to coach myself into participating, because I would have much preferred hiding in the shadows.
In the summer of 2014, everything began to change…
Music has a way of speaking to my soul and as I sat in a leadership conference on a rainy August day, I was introduced to Jonathan David & Melissa Hesler’s, No Longer Slaves, for the first time.
As I listened to the thoughtful lyrics, I found myself assessing my current situation with regard to motherhood, my career, and health. The song perfectly captured where my journey had led as I wrestled with identity, and questioned my purpose in the grand scheme of life.
Eyes glued to the screen, it was as if a weight lifted, and the truth finally settled into my spirit. My identity is first and foremost a “Child of God” and no titles given to me, no accolades, or rejection of this world will EVER change that fact.
But now, this is what the LORD says—he who created you, Jacob, he who formed you, Israel:“Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine."
(Isaiah 43:1, NIV)
Jesus Christ paid the ultimate sacrifice through His death, burial, and resurrection. This amazing gift of salvation provides all who hear an opportunity to claim freedom. Freedom in and through Christ while on earth, and at the same time, share in the HOPE of an eternal future in Heaven.
“For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.”(John 3:16-17, NIV)
As the final chords of the song rang out, I realized I had a decision to make. I could continue living as a frightened little girl, constantly enslaved by fear, or I could step out boldly and allow God to completely fulfill all that HE had envisioned for my life.
On that day, I committed to stepping out of my comfort zone. A journey which has led me to utilizing skills I didn’t realize existed and sharing my faith journey in unexpected ways.
While there are some days when doubt and uncertainty threaten as Satan tries to pull me back into that trap of fear, I simply remind him to whom I belong. “I am a child of God, and so are you!”
“For you are all sons of God through faith in Christ Jesus.”
(Galatians 3:26, NASB)
My prayer for you, dear reader, is that you may find encouragement and HOPE in recognizing your role as God’s child. Then you can step boldly toward His calling for your life by embracing FAITH over FEAR!
