The “go to” Girl is Gone…
“Come look at this with me…” Frustrated, I threw a glance over my shoulder while carrying items into an already packed closet. Did he not realize I had a limited amount of time to dedicate to this project before my energy expired? Why was he wasting time looking at a photo album and not helping me?
I exhaled a silent prayer for patience and shuffled over to see what it was I was being beckoned to view.
Tears stung the back of my eyes and remorse greeted me as I noticed the album in question. Page after page detailing treasured moments of the covenant we had made nearly two decades earlier. As we reminisced, I could hear our jovial wedding planner reciting a cow joke mere minutes before I walked down the aisle, to distract me from my emotions.
I pictured Ryan’s face, his tears glistening as he watched me enter the room, our guests simply fading as we locked eyes.
We spent a few more minutes combing through the dated albums commenting on the fleeting nature of time.
After returning to our daily cleaning project, Ryan’s simple request kept replaying in my mind. It served as a profound reminder of my former existence. I have an innate ability to get trapped in the task of doing, instead of simply being present.
Prior to life with chronic illness, I was constantly on the go. Saying “No” felt foreign and almost embarrassing at times. From ministry expectations to family obligations, I became the “go to” girl.
I lived day to day, often going through the motions without truly seeing the people I had the privilege to serve.
As my world began slowly crumbling around me, little by little, I had no choice but to adapt to my new normal. The “go to” girl was gone and in her place was a woman very much in need of healing.
Yes, obviously physical healing was and is sought daily, but the type of renewal I required ran much deeper than my physical disabilities. I needed spiritual healing from years of allowing the “good things” become the “God things” in my life.
Have you ever found a mirror image of yourself written within the pages of scripture?
If ever there was a story about my natural tendency, it would be detailed in the encounter of Jesus as he visits the home of Martha and her siblings. Although the Bible isn’t clear about the specific events within the home leading up to the evening festivities, I can almost imagine the scene. Martha, the elder of the two sisters is hurriedly preparing the house for their guests. Wanting to honor those in attendance, she may have made multiple loaves of barley bread or given the dirt floor an extra swipe. Perhaps she didn’t map out her plan perfectly and her anxiety increases as the minutes tick away.
Her sister, Mary, on the other hand doesn’t seem to share the same level of concern. She may have already completed her daily tasks in anticipation of her teacher’s arrival.
The story unfolds with an exasperated Martha beseeching the Lord in regards to her sister’s behavior.
“Lord, do You not care that my sister has left me to do all the serving alone? Then tell her to help me.” But the Lord answered and said to her, “Martha, Martha, you are worried and bothered about so many things; but only one thing is necessary, for Mary has chosen the good part, which shall not be taken away from her.” (Luke 10:38-42 NASB)
Seriously?
As a natural Martha, I found myself more than a little indignant with this gospel account. The beginning of the narrative indicates, Martha is the one who opened her home, the one who made all the preparations for the guests. She was serving the Lord right? Why then is she the one being reprimanded in this scenario?
The need for spiritual healing now abundantly clear as my physical health deteriorated, I came at this text with fresh perspective. Frequently, as a doer I habitually become laser focused — even on godly things and oftentimes lose sight of my ultimate objective. It wasn’t that Martha was doing anything particularly wrong, in fact her preparation was needed so her guests could eat.
Martha’s error, and often mine, is the focus of her intentions.
Rather than placing my identity in Christ daily, I regularly became ensnared by Satan’s lies. I began filling my mind with untruths that led to comparison and people-pleasing. Straining in the background, secretly hoping maybe someone would take notice of my effort. Presumably if I worked at a task hard enough, I could become the best employee, daughter, wife, friend, aunt, you name it — all the while, desperate for the approval of those around me.
As my world changed, so did my interaction with others. I was no longer physically able to be the “go to” girl which was liberating. I suddenly found myself in the position of Mary, firmly planted at my Master’s feet, ready and willing to learn. Walls broken down and worldly trappings demolished, my only task became worshiping my Savior. Humbled by my inadequacies, I now have a renewed HOPE for God’s plans for my life.
My healing, a work in progress, takes place each moment I fix my gaze on the one whose approval matters most.
Whatever you do, do your work heartily, as for the Lord rather than for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the reward of the inheritance. It is the Lord Christ whom you serve.
(Colossians 3:23-24, NASB)
So where are you dear reader? Does your life reflect the posture of a Mary or Martha? Or like me, are you a little of both at times?
I pray you find moments each day to plant yourself before the Lord soaking up His message and using it to bless the lives of others.
