Hope That Soars (Part 2)
The months following my initial appointment in Toledo were spent focusing on my health, continually striving toward getting back what I’d lost. However, it was as if I was pushing against concrete and my spirit was quickly depleted; it seemed the harder I tried, the worse I felt physically. More symptoms led to new doctors, which acquired multiple diagnoses trying to identify the root cause.
I am stubborn to a fault and admitting that I just couldn’t do life the way I used to, was the most difficult thing to accept. In my mind I was the same strong woman I had always been, I couldn’t seem to grasp this “new normal.” At 36 having to ask for help to cook, clean, drive, shower…It just didn’t seem real to me and I was in denial.
I found myself questioning my purpose as each day passed I was having to “let go” of responsibility; no longer able to fulfill previous roles within a vocational ministry. Yet, I would paste a smile on my face, regardless of how badly I felt, telling others I was “FINE.” To most of the outside world, I look “normal,” that is until they see me unconscious on the floor or being wheeled out in a rush to make sure I stay safe.
Ryan is a truly remarkable man and we often joke about the fact that we have honored our “in sickness” vow and are ready for God to move on to something new. However, as we rest in the blessings of all we’ve learned during these challenges, we are confident each one is refining us for the path ahead. One of the qualities I admire most about him is the ability to have the “tough” conversations with me. I genuinely respect my husband and could see the toll that all of this was taking on him. So, after months (okay I’m lying, years) of dealing with my strong-willed nature, God used him to get through to me.
My feelings of guilt, need for control and questions of purpose slowly faded as I began pouring over God’s word for direction.
I wholeheartedly believe that with a single word, Almighty God is able to heal my physical body completely and utter such prayers each and every day.
However, for such a time as this, I have been chosen to walk this road and I can either allow these trials, limitations, and difficulties to stall my impact for the Kingdom, or I can CHOOSE to walk in the fullness of joy, God has set before me.
You make known to me the path of life; in your presence, there is fullness of joy…
(Psalm 16:11, ESV)
As I started to embrace my new reality, God placed an overwhelming burden on my heart for others, ones like me, who may miss out on every day life and need a word of encouragement. Although my “new normal” looks different, I am confident that God can and will equip a heart that is willing. I now realize that He wants to use my experiences to minister, guiding others toward a HOPE that SOARS.
A HOPE firmly rooted in the truth of God’s word, trusting that they too can find complete peace, comfort, strength, and faith while enduring these temporary trials.
So dear reader, whether you are facing a physical, emotional, financial, relational or spiritual hardship, know that the Lord is the everlasting God…those who trust in Him, will SOAR!
Have you never heard? Have you never understood?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of all the earth. He never grows weak or weary.
No one can measure the depths of his understanding.
He gives power to the weak and strength to the powerless.
Even youths will become weak and tired,
and young men will fall in exhaustion.
But those who trust in the Lord will find new strength.
They will soar high on wings like eagles.
They will run and not grow weary.
They will walk and not faint.
(Isaiah 40:28-31, NLT)
