My heart raced as the group behind me discussed the issue of choice. Someone called my name as a woman leaned over my shoulder and began explaining what was about to happen.
My eyes immediately shot across the room to my mom in a panic, why on earth are they approaching me? I wasn’t there for an appointment.
I tried between feverish sobs to explain, “Ma’am, you have the wrong person... I can’t have children.”
All of a sudden, I was surrounded by darkness, tears streaming my cheeks, as awareness began crowding out the fear and cobwebs as I was awakened from my nightmare.
The weight of this issue pressed heavily on my heart for months, as the modern political climate intensified. However, I couldn’t quite verbalize the jumbled thoughts in my head. Even as sleep fades, I am not certain they are fully formed, but I recognize the importance of capturing them so I don’t forget.
Raised an avid pro-life supporter, I became physically ill at the thought of harm done to a child. As I became an adult, I’ve tried to educate myself through research on other points of view, as not to be too narrow or limited in my understanding.
Then came personal experience... The first time I heard the words “spontaneous abortion” came two years after I mourned the loss of our third child. Thankfully, gynecologists and their staff were sensitive enough to use different language when dealing with a woman like me. Others in the medical profession didn’t get that memo and often had a hysterical mess on their hands if I was mentally unprepared. You know the women I mean, ones who long for nothing more than to carry a child to full-term but for some reason, oftentimes inexplicably, has a body that decides to rid her of precious life.
Although I don’t fully comprehend every detail of this debate... I can simply share my experience by saying this; I am a woman who wakes up each day, embracing the loss of her children because I wasn’t given, a choice.
While I can’t presume to speak for other women; I pray that each one, regardless of beliefs, would experience God’s love through those of us who claim to be “Christians,” simply because they are created in His image.
May we continue to spread kindness, giving others the freedom to share their experience and when they do, show support, encouragement, by lifting each other up in prayer.