But God...
“In his heart a man plans his course, but the LORD determines his steps.” (Proverbs 16:9, ESV)
In June 2005, four months following our first miscarriage, I felt restless... Secretly aching for a child; I didn’t know how the Lord was going to answer my prayer. I asked Ryan to allow me a few months to volunteer in ministry before returning to social work after we moved back to West Virginia. During that time, I was approached by the principal of the Christian elementary school at the church we attended. He inquired about my background and asked if I had any interest in teaching Music.
I am certain the Lord has a sense of humor because when I graduated from college, I was convinced the two demographics I would NEVER work with were children and the elderly. Having just spent the past two years as a case manager at the Central Virginia Area Agency on Aging; this request now assured me that God wanted to continue developing my character.
I hesitantly accepted the position not realizing this was how He was going to reveal my path into “motherhood”...
“Mrs. Brooks,” I heard loudly from the back of the room for what seemed like the twentieth time in the half-hour Music class period. I aimed a look of warning at the inquisitive student for not raising her hand, but that didn’t stop the unexpected question from slipping out of her mouth…
“Are you Brooke’s mom; she looks just like you?”
My cheeks heated with embarrassment as the snickering began and I cast a glance at the shy fifth-grader in question. I remember thinking, that poor little girl must be utterly humiliated. She has a room full of students turning to stare as she is suddenly compared to, by their standards some “old lady.”
“Bless her heart!”
My negative reply was quick as I desperately tried to redirect the class to the topic at hand.
As a newlywed, I never imagined that my longing to become a mother would include years of infertility, coupled with multiple miscarriages and heartache. In the midst of our darkest hours God in His infinite wisdom brought a glimmer of joy into our lives through the children and families we served in our ministry.
Ryan and I prayed for our future children and we never could have imagined God’s plan for allowing us to partner with parents in mentoring and guiding young people. As our years of childlessness stretched, He began placing unique relationships in our midst that allowed us to love in ways we never dreamed possible. Those early years of ministry granted us an opportunity to invest in others, while God cultivated our shattered dreams of starting a family.
Further evidence of God’s design could be seen in the relationships we created with our niece and four nephews during their formative years. Our influence in the lives of our “favorites' ', as we affectionately refer to them, deepened as the growing pains of life seemed to increase. Uncle Ryan and Aunt Ca were and are still called upon frequently for play-dates, activities, and “hang-time” that continues to strengthen our bond with these incredible young people.
Complete with new nicknames, as RyRy and Chichi, we have introduced a new generation to our unique style of relating to my sister-in-law’s four children. Rarely a week goes by without lengthy phone calls or text updates from our “favorite” little ones.
But God...
While He could have calmed my anxious, lonely, and broken heart by simply allowing me to maintain my title as “World’s Greatest Aunt!” He didn’t stop there.
My God, loved me enough to place that sweet, shy, fifth-grader, who just so happens to resemble me - directly in my path… As Brooke continued to grow, Ryan and I marveled at her kindness and maturity.
One afternoon during her senior year of high school, she pulled me aside and asked if she could read me a letter she had written for a class about someone who had made an impact on her life. I sat expectantly in a pew and tried to make sense of the words she was reading but all I could discern was God’s gentle whisper in my soul, “Erica, I have given you the desires of your heart.”
In those brief moments, God revealed His greatest blessing - an opportunity to experience motherhood.
Not in the traditional sense of course, as Brooke has the most incredible family who graciously shares her with us. Nevertheless, as I sat there listening to my “daughter” share her heart, the Lord revealed that our years of suffering had not been in vain. Each moment spent listening, nurturing, and genuinely loving this young lady had made a significant impact on her life.
Ryan and I have been blessed beyond measure as God allowed us to come alongside her parents and watch her grow in the grace of Christ for nearly fifteen years. We frequently refer to Brooke as the “daughter of our heart” and are eternally grateful that God has used her presence in our family to bring lasting joy, healing, laughter, and friendship.
Now, as an adult, our girl continues to dazzle us daily with a selfless devotion to her convictions. Ryan and I are honored that God has gifted us a front-row seat to watch as He unveils His master plan for her life.
So dear reader, what will you do today, tomorrow, this week to impact the people around you? Who has God placed in your path that needs a word of encouragement, a smile, hug or maybe prayer? Perhaps it is someone at work, school, or even your own child who could benefit from your act of obedience. As you plan your course, ask the Lord to guide your steps.
