“'Happily ever after' or 'Happy ever after' are typically used as a formulaic ending to a fairy tale or children's story, or in romantic novels to describe wedded bliss.
The meaning is quite literal - 'from then onwards and forever, happiness pervades'.”
In reality, good marriages are simply two imperfect people writing a love story over a lifetime.
Some days include overwhelming happiness and others, not so much… yet we persist.
“Where do you want to eat?” my sweet groom inquired.
My usual people-pleasing response, “I don’t care, what would you like?”
This line of questioning consumed a large portion of our time and gasoline in the early days.
Finally, Ryan instituted the 3. 2. 1. restaurant rule.
“Give me three choices,” he would say.
After listing a few options, he would eliminate one… allowing me to select the final destination.
My husband, forever my favorite problem-solving genius!!
Ryan was noticeably upset following one of my difficult medical appointments.
“Don’t they understand there is more to marriage…” he asked.
Even though the secular narrative promotes physical intimacy as the key ingredient for a successful marriage…
Leaning into emotional, spiritual, and intellectual moments of vulnerability allows couples to stay connected in a way that physical intimacy alone can’t rival.
Oh, year three…
Everyone warned us that the first year of marriage would be the most difficult.
But for my beloved and me, year three proved to be more challenging.
Upon returning to P-burg, at the beginning of year three, we never imagined the toll it would take on our union.
Extended family, new jobs, and other challenges sought to upset the balance of our home.
Not intentionally, of course, but in our naivety saying “no” felt foreign, therefore, we became overly scheduled and massively stressed.
While we encourage young couples to start out on their own, if given the opportunity… We highlight the importance of setting boundaries in order to create a flourishing partnership.
“At last!” the man exclaimed. ‘This one is bone from my bone, and flesh from my flesh! She will be called ‘woman,’ because she was taken from ‘man.’ This explains why a man leaves his father and mother and is joined to his wife, and the two are united into one.” Genesis 2:23-24, AMP
Women often bristle at the mention of being submissive in marriage.
It’s as if we dismiss the passages that detail a husband’s role within the home.
When we study Ephesians 5, in its entirety, we see that God’s design includes submission on behalf of both partners, equally.
Ephesians 5 closes out with the following reminder…
❞𝙃𝙤𝙬𝙚𝙫𝙚𝙧, 𝙚𝙖𝙘𝙝 𝙢𝙖𝙣 𝙖𝙢𝙤𝙣𝙜 𝙮𝙤𝙪 [𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝𝙤𝙪𝙩 𝙚𝙭𝙘𝙚𝙥𝙩𝙞𝙤𝙣] 𝙞𝙨 𝙩𝙤 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙚 𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙬𝙞𝙛𝙚 𝙖𝙨 𝙝𝙞𝙨 𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙮 𝙤𝙬𝙣 𝙨𝙚𝙡𝙛 [𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙗𝙚𝙝𝙖𝙫𝙞𝙤𝙧 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙩𝙝𝙮 𝙤𝙛 𝙧𝙚𝙨𝙥𝙚𝙘𝙩 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙚𝙨𝙩𝙚𝙚𝙢, 𝙖𝙡𝙬𝙖𝙮𝙨 𝙨𝙚𝙚𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙗𝙚𝙨𝙩 𝙛𝙤𝙧 𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙖𝙣 𝙖𝙩𝙩𝙞𝙩𝙪𝙙𝙚 𝙤𝙛 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙞𝙣𝙜𝙠𝙞𝙣𝙙𝙣𝙚𝙨𝙨], 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙩𝙝𝙚 𝙬𝙞𝙛𝙚 [𝙢𝙪𝙨𝙩 𝙨𝙚𝙚 𝙩𝙤 𝙞𝙩] 𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙨𝙝𝙚 𝙧𝙚𝙨𝙥𝙚𝙘𝙩𝙨 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙙𝙚𝙡𝙞𝙜𝙝𝙩𝙨 𝙞𝙣 𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙝𝙪𝙨𝙗𝙖𝙣𝙙 [𝙩𝙝𝙖𝙩 𝙨𝙝𝙚 𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙞𝙘𝙚𝙨 𝙝𝙞𝙢 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙥𝙧𝙚𝙛𝙚𝙧𝙨 𝙝𝙞𝙢 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙩𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙩𝙨 𝙝𝙞𝙢 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙡𝙤𝙫𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙘𝙤𝙣𝙘𝙚𝙧𝙣, 𝙩𝙧𝙚𝙖𝙨𝙪𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙝𝙞𝙢, 𝙝𝙤𝙣𝙤𝙧𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙝𝙞𝙢, 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙝𝙤𝙡𝙙𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙝𝙞𝙢 𝙙𝙚𝙖𝙧].❞ 𝙀𝙥𝙝𝙚𝙨𝙞𝙖𝙣𝙨 5:33, 𝘼𝙈𝙋
At the end of the day, when Ryan and I are equally submissive to the Lord, love and respect flow freely.
Is this going to end? The nagging thought surfaced after disagreements in the early years.
Not because of anything my beloved said; it was merely an insecurity I had to overcome.
Ryan, ever the patient one, would reassure me by saying things like, "Erica, divorce is not an option or we are in this till death do us part…”
Statistics indicate that this life we have built, navigating loss and disability, should have fractured us long ago.
But in our home, the D word has become a "seven-letter" word we just don’t use.
𝙒𝙝𝙚𝙣 𝙬𝙚 𝙖𝙧𝙚 𝙤𝙫𝙚𝙧𝙬𝙝𝙚𝙡𝙢𝙚𝙙 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙛𝙧𝙪𝙨𝙩𝙧𝙖𝙩𝙚𝙙 𝙬𝙞𝙩𝙝 𝙤𝙣𝙚 𝙖𝙣𝙤𝙩𝙝𝙚𝙧 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙛𝙚𝙚𝙡 𝙡𝙞𝙠𝙚 𝙜𝙞𝙫𝙞𝙣𝙜 𝙪𝙥 𝙤𝙣 𝙪𝙨,
𝙒𝙀 𝙃𝘼𝙑𝙀 𝙏𝙒𝙊 𝘾𝙃𝙊𝙄𝘾𝙀𝙎:
𝙊𝙉𝙀: 𝙒𝙚 𝙘𝙖𝙣 𝙘𝙝𝙤𝙤𝙨𝙚 𝙇𝙊𝙑𝙀 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙠 𝙤𝙣 𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙢𝙖𝙧𝙧𝙞𝙖𝙜𝙚 𝙤𝙧,
𝙏𝙒𝙊: 𝙒𝙚 𝙘𝙖𝙣 𝙘𝙝𝙤𝙤𝙨𝙚 𝙇𝙊𝙑𝙀 𝙖𝙣𝙙 𝙬𝙤𝙧𝙠 𝙤𝙣 𝙤𝙪𝙧 𝙢𝙖𝙧𝙧𝙞𝙖𝙜𝙚.
Just in case you were wondering, the person you married will not likely be the exact same twenty years down the road.
Life experiences, family dynamics, career pursuits and other factors influence the direction a couple takes.
By holding space for growth, we allow God to work freely in our lives as individuals and within our marriage.
“Dull marriages come alive when couples pursue their marriage vows as an active commitment to growth! Your marriage has so much potential, but you won’t realize those positive possibilities unless you decide to serve, listen to, appreciate, and affirm each other. ” (Art Hunt, A Weekend with the One You Love)
Prayer places us in a posture of surrender, altering our outlook in every circumstance. Additionally, praying together has strengthened our faith and connection with each other.
“𝐼𝑓 𝑦𝑜𝑢 𝑐𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝑠𝑒𝑒
𝑇ℎ𝑒𝑛 𝑦𝑜𝑢'𝑑 𝑢𝑛𝑑𝑒𝑟𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑛𝑑
𝑊ℎ𝑦 𝐼 𝑓𝑎𝑙𝑙 𝑑𝑜𝑤𝑛 𝑡𝑜 𝑚𝑦 𝑘𝑛𝑒𝑒𝑠
𝐴𝑛𝑑 𝐼 𝑝𝑟𝑎𝑦 𝑚𝑦 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒
𝑊𝑖𝑙𝑙 𝑏𝑒 𝑤𝑜𝑟𝑡ℎ𝑦 𝑜𝑓
𝑇ℎ𝑒 𝑜𝑛𝑒 𝑤ℎ𝑜 𝑔𝑎𝑣𝑒 ℎ𝑖𝑠 𝑙𝑖𝑓𝑒
𝑆𝑜 𝑜𝑢𝑟 𝑙𝑜𝑣𝑒 𝑐𝑜𝑢𝑙𝑑 𝑏𝑒…”
“Love each other with genuine affection, and take delight in honoring each other…Rejoice in our confident hope. Be patient in trouble, and keep on praying.” Romans 22:10,12
A Christian marriage is designed to model God first, spouse second.
Jobs come and go, children grow up and create families of their own, some friends last only for a season.
In our home we have learned to safeguard that number two position for one another.
‘…So they are no longer two, but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, let no one separate.” - Mark 10: 6-9, NIV
Please understand that this does not mean you dismiss other responsibilities.
I read an article from a young mom who heard these words at a wedding and insisted this structure is garbage: “my husband is a grown man, he can take care of himself… my kids need me,” she wrote.
That is absolutely true, but perhaps her confusion lies in understanding God’s design for marriage.
Ryan didn’t marry me, so I could fill the role of mother. I am his partner… a helpmate, designed to journey with him through this life.
I love how Brenda Luscombe sums up this partnership, “Loving your kids is like going to school — you don’t really have a choice,” but “Loving your spouse is like going to college — it’s up to you to show up and participate.”
Modeling this set-up educates children about healthy relationships. It also creates a thriving, intentional bond with your spouse that ultimately glorifies God.
This final lesson is one we share with all couples preparing to embark on the “til death do us part” journey.
Each morning you have to consciously choose to love your spouse.
Some days that choice will be like slapping that easy button, but other days require a little more effort.
Love is not merely a feeling we experience but an action to be carried out.
Love is not meant to be passive, it is deliberate and intentional, requiring active participation.
These truths about love are recited during most wedding ceremonies…
“Love endures with patience and serenity, love is kind and thoughtful, and is not jealous or envious; love does not brag and is not proud or arrogant. It is not rude; it is not self-seeking, it is not provoked [nor overly sensitive and easily angered]; it does not take into account a wrong endured. It does not rejoice at injustice, but rejoices with the truth [when right and truth prevail]. Love bears all things [regardless of what comes], believes all things [looking for the best in each one], hopes all things [remaining steadfast during difficult times], endures all things [without weakening]. Love never fails [it never fades nor ends]… 1 Corinthians 13:4-8, AMP
If Ryan and I spend the next twenty years practicing the instructions above, it will be time well spent!